We all have to deal with the daily struggle of everyday vanilla life and sometimes it becomes very difficult to separate the kink from the daily drag. I've recently had to remind myself... Well, Sir had to remind me actually, that sometimes the submissive inside me needs to take a little bit of a backseat. Now this doesn't mean that I have to hide my submissive side or lock it away and forget about it. It simply means that while I am always Sir's submissive, I am also his life partner and that requires me to step up and be that for him.
If we take a minute to look at the characteristics of a submissive, you'll see that often we are actually quite strong and confident in our abilities. Remember that the submissive holds the power in the dynamic, they ultimately have the final say as they are the ones choosing to give their submission over to their dominant. So this being said, sometimes we as submissives need to "Dom up" and be there for our dominants and partners. At times life will throw you curve balls and hurdles, physically, mentally and emotionally. We expect a lot from our Dominants, we see them as our friends, lovers, protectors, confidents, decision makers and so much more! We expect our Dominants to read our body language and learn our tell tale signs that something isn't okay. They're expected to remember the rules and the daily expectations they set out for you and to discipline or punish accordingly when needed. They are expected to make decisions for us and take care of us. But sometimes they are the ones going through something and they are the ones that need to be taken care of themselves.
There are times when we as submissives need to take a moment and care for our Dominants. When the submission begins to take over just a little too much, I myself tend to loose myself in it and end up overthinking it and losing the essence of who I am. Instead of being the strong, capable, confident submissive that Sir has taught me to be? I become this anxious mess of nerves, constantly overthinking what I'm thinking, saying and doing. I become too focussed on what I think I should be as a submissive and forget that I'm not just a sub, I'm also Sir's partner. At this point I am utterly useless to Sir and if anything I only end up pushing him away when he needs me most.
Being there for Sir as his girl doesn't mean that much truly changes. It's more about changing my mindset and focus a little. I still perform my two daily tasks, still look after the house and make his coffee. But its a little less as his submissive and more as his girl. It means I don't expect him to tell me what to do, I don't expect him to take care of any decisions about what I am doing, I don't expect him to act as a Dominant in that time. I am simply his girl, showing him affection, doing things to help him out, offering my support and someone to talk to as an equal. Sometimes he needs his girl more than he needs his submissive. I need to be able to read him well enough to know when he needs his girl versus when he needs his submissive. It's all about taking the time to learn about you dominant just as much as they learn about you.