BDSM Vs. Kinky Sex

 

Ever since the controversial Fifty Shades of Grey movies were released, there has been an influx of people deciding that they are "into BDSM". Now if you go from there and start to look up BDSM porn, you go down a very different path compared to true BDSM and the relationships it involves.  

Many people believe they are into BDSM simply because they enjoy it when a partner slaps their butt or pulls their hair, maybe they even go as far as using those cheap fluffy handcuffs and a blindfold! But that in itself is nothing more than some kinky sex, kind of like vanilla ice cream with some sprinkles.  A lot of people have fetishes and fantasies that fall into the realm of being classed as BDSM, however they are simply that...  A single fetish or a one off fantasy.  Again, it's quite a different path compared to those of us who go all the way down the rabbit hole and begin to live the BDSM lifestyle and incorporate that into our everyday lives and relationships. 

BDSM is such a huge world... The Wonderland of Kink, if you will. But if you look at some of our most experienced Doms and subs? The majority of their BDSM play and their everyday lives, has nothing to do with sex.  Most times even their play does not involve any real sexual purposes.  Think about it, an impact play scene;  the Dom generally remains clothed from the waist down.  Why? Because their goal is not to have sex and fuck their subs brains out, their goal is to wield their item of choice with skill and precision, expertly drawing out the scene to reach a point of euphoria and emotional release for the submissive. Notice I didn't say climax or orgasm? Yes both those things can and do happen during impact play scenes but more often than not, an orgasm is not the main goal.

Let's try another scenario, BDSM training is as much about training the mind, thoughts and behaviours as much as it is about training the body, if not even more important. When a Dom asks their submissive to kneel at their feet, it's generally not simply because it makes their dick hard or their sub wet. It has far deeper meaning, it is about the submissive handing over their control and using the kneeling position to physically symbolise their willingness to submit. It is about the Dominant fixing tiny things about the subs position, how far their knees are spread, where their hands sit, how they hold their head, how straight they sit... All with the goal of reminding the sub that they are there for the Doms pleasure and the Dom has the control, that they will guide you to be the best submissive for them.

BDSM is all about the mind and the idea of willingly handing over your control to another person. It is allowing another person to travel deep enough into your thoughts to know exactly what you need and trusting them to give you that. It is about entrusting another person with your wellbeing and your deepest darkest fantasies. Yes, kinky sex is great and each to their own, plenty of people love engaging in kinky sex! But when it comes to BDSM and living this lifestyle, it goes much deeper than some fluffy handcuffs and a tug of the hair.  

 

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