What Is BDSM?

Today we begin our journey together into the depths and intricacies of BDSM. We will look at what BDSM truly is, what it means and how you can control just how far down the rabbit hole you wish to venture. Let's start by breaking down the acronym that is BDSM...

The letters B and D stand for bondage and discipline. Bondage has two meanings, by dictionary definition (yes, my own Sir has had me google the definitions of many words as tasks). Bondage is the state of being another persons slave, to be owned. By definition, it also means the restraint of a person by way of binding them. In my own words, bondage relates to the act of being tied up or restrained. That can range from fluffy handcuffs to strong leather restraints to intricate rope tying also known as shibari among other names.

For some people, bondage is simply a small part of their entire BDSM life. For others, bondage is a full-time love and sometimes the only part of BDSM they indulge in. Bondage can be used within sexual aspects of play and some people find different textures of ropes and leather quite arousing. Whilst others find a more relaxing, peaceful release in bondage that is not sexual at all.

Discipline is the training of obedience and the use of punishment to enforce structure or rules. Discipline relates to one's behaviours and expectations. It involves the establishing of agreed-upon rules and acceptable behaviours between multiple people and the agreed punishment methods to enforce such things. Now don't get scared, the word punishment has many faucets but we will speak more about that another day. To put it simply, I personally have two tasks to complete everyday. Failure to complete my tasks can result in "punishment" which can be anything from losing affection from my Sir, being lectured or worse... Disappointing him.

However, my punishment for something to do with my behaviour, such as lying, would be much worse to ensure that I didn't repeat that unwanted behaviour.

Our middle letters, D and S, stand for dominance and submission. For myself and the relationship I have with my Sir, this is the most important part of BDSM for us. Generally, any variation of the word dominance simply means to have power and influence over another. To be the dominant party in a relationship means that you have been handed the power of control. To be given this power, and I do say given, not taken, is something that shows the level of trust and depth of the relationship between a dom and sub.

Submission is my personal favourite and what I most relate to being a sub myself. It is, by definition, the act of accepting or yielding to the authority or will of another person. Now you need to understand that this is all up to the sub. The submissive party in the relationship, whether that be a casual or long term relationship, is making the choice to submit and give their control and decision making over to the dominant person. Submission is not forced or taken, it is willingly and knowingly given. Any submissive has the right to say no, to negotiate with their dominant. I personally find a great deal of comfort and peace in my submission to Sir.

Our last letter combination, S and M, stands for sadism and masochism. Now, these two words go hand in hand... Or should I say hand to butt? Sadism, or to be a sadist, means to derive a form of pleasure and sometimes sexual gratification from the act of inflicting pain, suffering or humiliation on others. For some, this is the entire basis of their BDSM escapades, there doesn't need to be anything else involved. My Sir, in particular, can be quite a sadist and enjoys making me yelp and jump.

To go hand in hand, a masochist, or masochism, is to take pleasure and often sexual gratification in one's own pain, humiliation or suffering. Everyone has different things they enjoy, different limits and tolerances. I wouldn't call myself a masochist, as this label as such is usually reserved for people who truly derive pleasure from the pain itself with very little other stimulation besides the pain itself. In saying that, I will freely admit to having some masochistic tendencies. My Sir has quite a sadistic streak but he tones it down for me as he knows where my limits are and exactly where that fine line is between pain and pleasure. Some don't enjoy pain at all, in any form. While others live for it and need it to find both a sexual and emotional release.

BDSM is often seen as whips and chains and sex. But it is far more complex and can be changed and adjusted in any way you like. Every person is different and each has their own individual likes, dislikes, limits and interests. BDSM as a whole is based on the core values of trust, honesty, communication, and respect. It also follows the worldwide rule of SSC; safe, sane and consensual. This is also known as RACK; risk-aware consensual kink. Feel free to leave some feedback or shoot us a question about today's blog!