How many of you reading this have a sexual fantasy? I'd put money on all of you...
Now, how many of you have told a partner about this sexual fantasy? I'll be generous and say maybe half of you...
And lastly, how many of you have actually fantasised WITH your partner about this sexual fantasy? I'm going to say very few of you...
Fantasies are some of the most beautifully erotic creations of our minds, yet at the same time also one of the most terrifying. Trust me, I know the feeling. When you're worrying about what your partner will think, will they be horrified? Will they be shocked? Will they laugh at you or be disgusted? Will they look at you and treat you differently? Well the answer is no, not if they are a good partner. Notice I'm saying partner rather than Dom or sub? That's because both Dominants and submissive have fantasies that they worry about sharing. It goes both ways.
Part of being a good partner is being open, honest and trustworthy. You should be able to tell your partner any fantasy you have! And you know what? They should be able to accept it and run with it. No matter what the fantasy, no matter how taboo or simple it may be, it will be a breath of fresh air to share it out loud.
Now I believe there are two different types of fantasy... The somewhat realistic kind that could be arranged and lived out and enjoyed. Then there is the kind that either isn't realistically feasible or that may sound so amazingly hot in your head but you'd never actually enjoy in real life. Make no mistake, they both have their places!
The realistic type of fantasy is a great one to play out together during sex. It allows you to explore possibilities and see what does and doesn't excite you. Don't be afraid to whisper that dirty suggestion in your partners ear amidst the throws of love making, most of the time it doesn't even matter what comes out of your mouth in that moment. It's also a great way to lead into a conversation afterwards about said fantasy... Start with the basics, did that excite you? Did you picture how it would play out? Is it something you'd like to actually try one day? If so, don't hide it. It's all about being honest with both yourself and your partner about the things that turn you on.
Now, those crazy, dirty fantasies that we want to keep to ourselves for fear of what someone would think if we spoke them aloud... Honestly, just about anything becomes a turn on when you're mid-orgasm! These fantasies aren't reality and you know for a fact that outside of your imagination, this might be too much for you too. But in that moment there are no limits, you want to be flogged until you're bruised and battered? Role with that fantasy, it doesn't mean you're going to be tied up and live it out tomorrow or even next year. Me personally, I love the idea of pain, of hurting just for my Sir, of taking everything he could give me... But I'm a total sook and in reality can only take a decent little paddling. These type of fantasies are simply that... Nothing more than a fantasy. Just because it isn't feasible, doesn't mean you can't enjoy the scenario.
For the partners listening to the fantasies, please remember to be open minded and non-judgemental! If you want to be a good partner, you need to be able to support and encourage the sharing of fantasies. Ask your partner, pull their head close to your lips and whisper in their ear, ask them to tell you their wildest fantasy, their filthy slutty thoughts... Remind them that what is said in the bedroom can stay in the bedroom, that they are safe to express themselves freely, that there will be no repercussions from what is said when they are with you like this.
Sir will constantly reassure me that it is safe to let myself go with him, that I can let my imagination run absolutely wild. He will even indulge a fantasy... If I can initiate the fantasy, he will run with it and take it so much further than I imagined. He knows my limits and my boundaries but our imaginations and fantasies are not bound by reality, so take advantage of that!
Fantasies are a part of what keeps a relationship fresh and alive, don't ever be afraid of them!